Unfortunate & Awkward #1: Hooked Onto a Door

Of course when you are sitting in second period Spanish class for an hour that wields like two hours, you want to hurry up and get the hell out of there, and you are attentively waiting for that screeching bell that will signal your somewhat satisfying, sweet release. Also, when you know you have to tolerate a room of inexperienced, hormone induced freshmen in the front of you, ghetto banshees inappropriately wailing behind you, and big meat-headed jocks & rednecks yelling about their trucks and football on both your left and right sides, you feel a little drained. But what happens when you have the unfortunate pleasure of accidentally getting attached onto a door for a good two minutes? Talk about "Awkward Pants Deluxe".

Okay, I really think there is a way to get through these unfortunate times, but me being so ungraceful, I wouldn't know how to properly follow the techniques. So, this little incident happened a few weeks ago. It's happened before but never for as long as an exasperating two minutes. It couldn't have been more awkward. I am usually the first or second one to be out of the door, and it becomes fatality concerning when you hold up other people in front of the door just because you've gotten yourself in a certain predicament. "What the hell?!"  Of course one of those meat-headed jocks has to blurt out something and make the whole experience more discerning. Some "a" double "s" starts to push me, while I try my hardest to get my book bag released from the door. Thing was stuck good. I realized that I was not in store for a small presh potskins "Embarrassing Hooked on the Door" experience, but I had gotten myself into an maladroit situation. Maladroit...you like those big words?  :-\

Minute One:

A lot happened within the first minute. The snagging and pushing, and the alarming panic of "Oh, s***!" Sweat. Why the hell was I sweating? Oh, I know, because I had over twenty annoying people breathing down my back to get the hell out of the way, or I would be trampled. Trying to block out all the pushing and "What the hell?!"s , I ripped and ripped. Some unfortunately pale child managed to nudge her way out of the huge blockade, that was me. The douchebag that sits directly in front of me almost knocked me down, when his gargantuan body swept pass my book bag. The vile pedestrians in the hallway were starting to witness the unfortunate debauchery of me framed into the doorway, and scrunched their faces into the "WTF" expression. I started to get frustrated and my equally awkward friend, Tim decided to come up to say "Hey." Thanks. Thanks so much, Tim for the very helpful "Hey" and the very graceless standing around for thirty seconds. Oh, and look, a ghetto banshee is making her way towards me. I hear the belligerent screams of the ghetto, southern accent coming closer and closer. Naturally, a fear of a "Ghetto Rundown" filled my gut, so in a very spastic nature, I rapidly started to yank at the fabric of my annoying book bag.

Minute Two:

Then of course the ghetto banshees were the only strong ones to start a revolution...I nearly got ran down. The smelly jerk that sits at the left of me pushed, so did the irrelevant buzzard from the far right corner of the classroom. The smart mouthed witch, with a capital "B", let out an annoying"Get the hell out of the way!" Do I blame these vile creatures? No. While I wouldn't have pushed so violently, I honestly would have tried to maneuver my way out of being attached to the oafish situation. The most disturbing thing is that I started to laugh, as I got down on my knees to get a closer look at how to loosen the book bag strap. I noticed I was not the only one, my new friend, who is extremely "Bright & Shiny"; Casey was laughing. I needed scissors. Another friend, Brian, passed by and made the last minute more unfortunate than what it already was. And oh, Brian is one of the most awkward. He's the closest to "Awkward Pants Deluxe 5" I have ever come in contact with. He's a cool dude, but he's damn unfortunate and damn awkward. When I finally got my book bag unhinged from the door, to top it all off most of my books and crap were on the floor. Wonderful!  And then I had to rush to class.

I was late to third period English class, and I also had to tell my teacher why. Unfortunate. That's my life. And I am very happy for it. Most of the time.

:)