Ralph, or The Prose That Was (Nearly) Cut

This is the short prose that I intentionally wrote for my high school's literary magazine, but got cut because of it containing the statements "suicidal" and "snuff films", and get this; "asexual". It's preposterous. I understand the whole editing process of the dainty, church belt, over-censored schools, but this is just ridiculously abhorrent, and kind of an insult, but everyone at school seems to like it, and I am simply disappointed, but this was just a prose I refused to edit, since I've edited it at least five times before I submitted it to the magazine. Just another reason to loathe high school. But all is fine, and I am just happy that it was a piece of my literary work that a fair number of people like. Warning: This prose is pretty "Dark & Twisty".

Ralph

Basic social rules: Following instructions. Accepting criticism. Accepting “No” for an answer. Staying calm. Disagreeing with others. Asking for help. Asking permission. Getting along with others. Apologizing. Having a conversation. Giving compliments. Accepting compliments. Listening to others. Being honest. Showing sensitivity to others. Introducing yourself.

Ralph does none of these things.

Ralph refers to himself in third person. Ralph calls others out of their name. Ralph gets angry when he is critiqued. Ralph does not follow the rules. Ralph refuses to give or properly accept compliments. Ralph has never gotten along with others and never listens to them. Ralph is always disagreeing with people and takes things to a whole other level. Ralph is happily dishonest. Ralph has no sympathy for others, and does not wait to get permission. However, Ralph does introduce himself, but only as “the best.”

People do not like Ralph. Ralph does not like people. Ralph takes his issues out on others. And Ralph has an abundance of issues. Ralph does not believe in love. Ralph does not believe in happiness. Ralph is an atheist. Ralph has a sweet disposition towards death. Ralph likes to see others fail. Ralph causes others to fail. Ralph says he has never shed a tear. Ralph has suicidal tendencies. Ralph is asexual. Ralph has never been with a girl. Ralph is disgusted by politicians. Ralph enjoys snuff films. Ralph lives with his mother. Ralph is 33. Ralph weighs 118 pounds. Ralph does not care about the latest trends or people. Ralph thinks mainstreaming is for losers. Ralph wants all jocks dead. And Ralph keeps his true feelings in his head.

That being said, Ralph does have feelings.

Ralph considers being polite. Ralph would like to take criticism well. Ralph would like to be able to follow the rules. Ralph would like to be with a girl. Ralph wants to give compliments and except them, properly. Ralph would love to enjoy other’s company. Ralph wants to be able to have empathy and sympathy for other humans. Ralph wants to learn to love, and become capable of being loved. But cannot. And his family maybe to blame.

Ralph’s family refers to themselves in third person. Ralph’s family call others out of their name. Ralph’s family gets angry when they are critiqued. Ralph’s family does not follow the rules. Ralph’s family refuses to give or properly receive compliments. Ralph’s family has never gotten along with others and never listens to them. Ralph’s family is always disagreeing with people and takes things to a whole other level. Ralph’s family is essentially as disturbed as Ralph, himself. Like son, like family.

Ralph was abused. Ralph was never told he was loved. And Ralph is afraid of emotions. And as a result, he is scarred as an adult.

In a perfect world, Ralph would follow the instructions. He would accept criticism. He would accept “No” for an answer. Ralph would be calm. Ralph would disagree with others in a polite fashion. Ralph would get along with others, and Ralph would be capable of apologizing. Ralph would be able to hold a conversation. He would be able to give and receive compliments. Ralph would listen to others and be honest. He would be able to show empathy and sympathy. Ralph would not introduce himself as “the best” but as “a person”.

But since things are no more perfect than you or me, everyone knows Ralph as the disturbed, slightly schizophrenic, and weirdly asexual, silent young man who has no idea what real life is yet.

Ralph would like to say sorry, for breaking all sixteen of the basic social skills that everybody should know. Ralph would like to know what it is to be happy and know what love feels like. Ralph would like to express his true feelings Ralph would love to finally talk to Rachel. Ralph would love to start over to get his childhood back. And Ralph would like to take back his sudden death. And Ralph is sorry.

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