Oh! You Terrible, Terrible People

Tanni

I am not accusing you guys of anything. I am just simply saying that you all make me feel like shit, like a hundred times a day, and you guys are my family. I need to be able to feel something other than shit, after coming straight out of rehab, all whole and healed. I mean, I did. I got all whole and healed, and I'm trying to be worthy of some sort of love from you wonderful people, but honestly, this day has been hell from every corner, edge, nock and mother f'in cranny. Okay, all of what I have seen or heard today is judgment, ridicule, and annoying constant surveillance. Do you know the first thing Uncle Harrison said to me the moment he saw me today? "Did you kill anyone?" I mean, seriously. What the hell is that? And no, dad. Don't say it. Don't try and make the same damn excuse of Uncle Harrison being off of his meds for the past ten year like you always do, because you know, it's getting rather old. I know that this is a day of solemn and darkness due to the death of a very fine citizen from our very, very sparkly family, and it is sad. It is, truly. But I am also very concerned with the amount of evaluations that are being made about where I stand after my crisis during rehabilitation, because if anyone has cared to notice, I'm out now. They don't let you out until all the glittering asshole professionals can conclude that you are safe enough to be back in mainstream society, which I don't care to be included in anyway. It's just, I feel like everyone is expecting me to just pull out a machete and chop everyone to pieces, or burn the house down. Should I just get "anarchist" tattooed on my giant forehead? Or should I just take all the micro managing that you guys spew at me? And the thing that started all of this, was how you guys renovated my room. Like the things I had in there at the time that I left were so bad and dangerous and were gonna destroy me when I came back home. I haven't even smoked a damn cigarette and everybody is looking at me funny, because, you know, I bet if I did everyone would be gossiping about whether or not I'm going to burn the house down. Is something horrible going to happen just because the big and evil child of the Pruitt family has returned from her self-destructive splendor at the happy,  happy rehabilitation center? And oh, I don't want to skip out on any details of my own ingratitude or disappointment, because you know, I don't want any of you to think that I think any of you are terrible, terrible people.

Abby

Oh, please Tanni, this is not news. There is nothing new under the sun about what you just expressed from, what I'm sure was meant from the top of your poor, little heart. But instead of answering your questions, I'm gonna tell you what I wanted to tell you the day--the very day you went off to that happy rehabilitation center. I want you to get better. I am hopeful, and I pray that you. And I really, really would love for you to return to being that little girl who used to be independent and selfless, instead of the foolish, craptastic drugged up whore that you are now. Your "self-destructive splendor" as you put it, is nothing to make light of in conversation. And it definitely is  nothing to throw out at your family to feebly try and force a little sympathy to your crisis. It's offense. Especially on a day in which one of our own was buried. The renovations of your room, wasn't for you, it was for Mia. You remember Mia? That short blond haired whore you left at our doorstep asking for a place to stay because her batty mother kicked her out for using drugs. Yeah, your friend Mia, didn't very much care for all the weird shit you had lodged in there so we had to clean it all out to her liking. And don't even ask for her phone number, because when she heard that her drug supporter had left and gone to rehab, she killed herself. She swallowed a bunch of ibuprofen and Adderall, but she couldn't even do that right, so she slit her wrist and then hung herself. Pretty brutal, huh? No one else here was going to tell you because they all thought it would cause you to go back on the rocks again. But really since your already thinking about using again, I thought, gee, this would be a great time to tell Tanni about her now dead, gone, and buried friend slash drug donkey. Bitch stole $50 from me and she died before I could even get it back. Sometimes I wonder did she kill herself because of you or because she just didn't want to give me my money back. I go back and forth on that for days. And then I sit there to day and I laugh at Grandpa Ida's funeral thinking about that day when I went to her grave and talked to her tombstone. And you know me, I've never been a fan of movies where stupid jackass people talk to tombstones as if their dead loved one can still hear them, but I did and I asked that girl's tombstone if she was hiding my money somewhere. And that very day I thought, wow, I wonder how Tanni is doing? That day--that day was April 24th and that was the day you told me a few weeks before you were about to go back into another program because of your relapse, but I see you never did. And now your out. Again. I guess it turns out those glittering asshole professionals aren't so wonderful at concluding whether or not one is ready to be back in mainstream society or not. And you wonder why and complain about all of the micro managing and constant surveillance. You used to crave all of that shit as a kid, and now that you have it you'd rather crawl in a corner and get high. And Uncle Harrison...don't even wonder about what the hell is wrong with Uncle Harrison, he just asked the question that all of us were too scared to ask in the first place. Which is why some of us like him of his meds. A little crazy is good for the home. Makes us all remember that were alive. But when the big, bad crazy, that would be you, returns back home, people all begin to wear their worried face. And can you blame them? You totaled four cars when you were on the dope, Tanni. Why would anyone not wear their worried face? Mine has been on since the very moment you came sliding of mom's womb. And hey, if you feel like shit because of that, then maybe that shit is just all yours. Because, although no one in this room will admit it, other people's shit, is just their shit. And that my dear sweet little sister is something I need you to take notice of. You're the one who picked up the crack pipe and your the one who is gonna have to deal with the shit that you let slip onto your lap. Sorry dad, but it's true. And maybe you should get "anarchist" tattooed on your gigantic forehead. It would look a hell of a lot better than half the crap you've scrathed deep into your greasy skin. And hey, if you don't like any of the truths of what I just said...blow me. And hey maybe we are just terrible, terrible people...

No Mocking! There Is No Mocking In Life! Only Warmth & Light...

Except it! The title is sarcastic. I know, sarcasm does not work on the internet, that was witless on my part, but it is true. No mocking! But we do it anyway, and it's acceptable, because we don't know any better. It's something we were not taught. I have found that over the past eighteen years, that people seem to "mock" their lives, or "take it for granted", me included. And it's not something that many individuals think is something considerably awful, but it is. And I think God knows that. He knows, because every time we might happen to do something that could be considered evil or unpleasant, he sends something down to punish our you-know-whats. And then we complain. Followed by the "What did I do to deserve this?". And then the frustration that lingers forever, though you know what you got...you fully deserved. So, why not be a positive "Bright & Shiny" and avoid "The Mocking of Life". We don't do that, because it's easier to mock, than just be a positive BS. And that's cool, because we are humans, and we do only use about 10% of our brains, so we don't have the capacity or capability to evolve onto more affective ways of living with "Warmth & Light". In short...we're stupid. As smart as we are, we are pretty witless. And   it is usually the "Dark & Twisty" ones who fail to believe in the "Warmth & Light", and fall to the awful "Mocking of Life". Pretty horrible, right? No, the "Bright & Shiny" ones are guilty of this act as well, they just don't show it so as much as the others do. Let's face it, 99.8% of us are inconspicuously careless with our lives, and it's probably because of the earlier mentioned stupidity of the human race, or is this foul behavior the work of something a little more complicated. I hope so, just for the reason that I'd like to believe we, as a whole, are more "evolved" emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, than what I already think. We simply might think that this behavior is acceptable. Maybe. Without all the contrived and contemptuous technological advancements that lead us all to be so spoiled and with a grand old presh potskins smile on our face, I believe we all would probably be better off with seeing the "Warmth & Light" of the world. But then again, as I finish this I myself will probably go back, all humbly, to the "Mocking of Life", and I will not notice a thing. But what can I say...only 10% of brainpower. Sad.