The United States of Tara & Diablo Cody= Dark & Twisty//Bright & Shiny

It's Showtime channel's best tragic, dark comedy. (Next to Nurse Jackie.) It features two of my favorite actresses; Toni Collette and Viola Davis. I am officially in love with this show created by the wonderful "Juno" writer; Diablo Cody. I love her. She is one of my favorite writers ever! I love her humor and style of writing and I cannot wait to see what other quirky and originally eccentric ideas she comes up with next, and every week on "The United States of Tara". It is my fourth favorite television show and it keeps laughing and shocked by the craziness the characters go through every week. The offbeat humor is mainly for those who love the "Quirky Independent Movie" feel that leaves you slobbering over the clever sensational writing. The show focuses on a wife and mother of two; Tara, and she is dealing with DID or; Dissociative Identity Disorder, or more commonly known as multiple personality disorder. She has four multiples: T, Buck, Alice, and Gimme. And now in it's second season, there is a new alter; Shoshana. T is a raunchy, over-exaggerated sixteen year old trouble making teen. Buck is a very manly Vietnam War veteran. Alice is a pristine, church-going, 1950's Stepford wife with a knack for causing the most trouble. Gimme is a non-verbal, primitive, angry and animalistic alter. And lastly, Shoshana is Tara's very own inner therapist.

Her husband (Max) is losing his cool, her fourteen year old son (Marshall) is a confused gay dude, her daughter (Kate) is a smart-mouthed rebel gal, and her sister (Charmaine) is a mildly narcissistic self-righteous chick. The new character is Lynda, played by the wonderful Viola Davis, and she is my second favorite character! Just watch and find out why! The #1 reason I love it is the Dark & Twisty//Bright & Shiny factor.

Anyway, if you have Showtime then I suggest you check it out. And do check out the wonderful Nurse Jackie as well, featuring the great Edie Falco.

Unfortunate & Awkward #2: You Have Food On Your Shirt

Everyone knows that feeling of not wanting to go answer the door. It's not a matter of laziness, but a matter of  understandable distaste for the "ding-dong" melody. Not to mention the troublesome possibility of opening the door to a bill collector, a poorly dressed girl scout, a Jehovah's witness attempting to spread "the Good Word", or an ax-wielding psycho killer. There are a myriad of things that could go wrong when embarking out of that thin barrier that protects you from the outside world. But this has nothing to do with wanting to deal with a telemarketer or a door-to-door salesman. This has to do with a big glob of nachos left hanging from my shirt.

Right after school, I have no recollection of what is happening around me. I am usually drained or just simply annoyed with people. The thought of undergoing the daunting task of dealing with anyone behind the front door, is abhorrent. And so it begun. The doorbell rings. And rings. And rings. At this point it's apparent that this creeper isn't giving up or going away without some sort of an awkward fight..or duel. What's with this guy? I pretty sure it was a good minute and a half of "ding-dong" before I took it upon myself to unfavorably answer the door and shut this dude up.

And here is the kicker; Before this incident, I had been reluctantly enjoying a rather messy nacho platter. Gross, I know. And me being the flustered spaz that I am, I'm sure I twitched a little when I heard the door bell ring, inevitably dropping a huge blob of messy nacho scum onto my shirt. But, I was so discombobulated from hearing that uninviting "ding-dong", that I did not notice the "Food Attack" that slammed down onto my white shirt. Just to note, that my luck that day was not in my favor whatsoever anyway, which was why I just decided to go answer the door. Not such a stupendous idea. When opening the door I could see that I was going to have to deal with a "Sherk-looker"; a stubby, Irish-looking, bulging, almost green skinned, and almost hairless single dude. Possibly in his late 30's or early 40's chatting on a dating site trying to find a "pretty girl" that will except him for him, and that he had a painful divorce and is struggling to keep up with the young people, though he is only coming across as an illegitimate creeper. Anyway, I do not fully remember what this dude what selling or talking about, but I sure it was about some terrible magazine. Maybe I should have bought it from the little guy, but I didn't. As he started to talk I could tell he looked a little taken aback for some reason. I wondered why of course. He looked as though he was chocking to hold back a laugh. This is understandable, since I am considered a very high-larious child. No. (Note to self: Sarcasm does not work accurately on the internet.) But I digress. I hated not knowing what this "Shrek-looker" was fighting back a laugh for. When I'm annoyed, my face says everything, and that was the day I was annoyed in advance of this wonderful event.

After I continuously  refused this "young" man's awful magazine collection for the past two abnormal minutes, I was ready to close the door, so I told him,"No, thanks." once more, and inexplicably told him, " Bye. And good luck." Which doesn't seem weird, but you'd be surprised what something like "Good luck" could come across as; Sarcasm. And if it wasn't for him being all entertained by my "Shirt-Nacho Tattoo", he would have noticed. Good thing.

After closing that thin wooden barrier, my cousin laughed at me. "What?" I found out why, and with no really "real" reason, I was filled with irrational and unnecessary embarrassment, but of course, me being me, I laughed at myself. It was cool...I guess, not as awful as it could have been. I just knew that mister "Shrek-looker" wanted to report "You Have Food On Your Shirt".

Picture of the Day 2

What Happens During School Hours...(Mostly 5th Period)

At times, during the harsh hours of high school, certain eccentric people and events go down, and you are happy to have been a part of them, no matter how disturbing or awkward they are, and having a handy-dandy camera around while these presh potskins situations take place, is very convenient. Very convenient indeed.

In the photos (the presh potskins): Anna, David, Randa, Brooke, Mackenzie, Brian (from the backside only), Paul, Caroline, Aubree, & Nathalie. Oh, and me (Patrick).

OH, and today is prom, so I should have some awkward pictures up from that soon afterward...

Unfortunate & Awkward #1: Hooked Onto a Door

Of course when you are sitting in second period Spanish class for an hour that wields like two hours, you want to hurry up and get the hell out of there, and you are attentively waiting for that screeching bell that will signal your somewhat satisfying, sweet release. Also, when you know you have to tolerate a room of inexperienced, hormone induced freshmen in the front of you, ghetto banshees inappropriately wailing behind you, and big meat-headed jocks & rednecks yelling about their trucks and football on both your left and right sides, you feel a little drained. But what happens when you have the unfortunate pleasure of accidentally getting attached onto a door for a good two minutes? Talk about "Awkward Pants Deluxe".

Okay, I really think there is a way to get through these unfortunate times, but me being so ungraceful, I wouldn't know how to properly follow the techniques. So, this little incident happened a few weeks ago. It's happened before but never for as long as an exasperating two minutes. It couldn't have been more awkward. I am usually the first or second one to be out of the door, and it becomes fatality concerning when you hold up other people in front of the door just because you've gotten yourself in a certain predicament. "What the hell?!"  Of course one of those meat-headed jocks has to blurt out something and make the whole experience more discerning. Some "a" double "s" starts to push me, while I try my hardest to get my book bag released from the door. Thing was stuck good. I realized that I was not in store for a small presh potskins "Embarrassing Hooked on the Door" experience, but I had gotten myself into an maladroit situation. Maladroit...you like those big words?  :-\

Minute One:

A lot happened within the first minute. The snagging and pushing, and the alarming panic of "Oh, s***!" Sweat. Why the hell was I sweating? Oh, I know, because I had over twenty annoying people breathing down my back to get the hell out of the way, or I would be trampled. Trying to block out all the pushing and "What the hell?!"s , I ripped and ripped. Some unfortunately pale child managed to nudge her way out of the huge blockade, that was me. The douchebag that sits directly in front of me almost knocked me down, when his gargantuan body swept pass my book bag. The vile pedestrians in the hallway were starting to witness the unfortunate debauchery of me framed into the doorway, and scrunched their faces into the "WTF" expression. I started to get frustrated and my equally awkward friend, Tim decided to come up to say "Hey." Thanks. Thanks so much, Tim for the very helpful "Hey" and the very graceless standing around for thirty seconds. Oh, and look, a ghetto banshee is making her way towards me. I hear the belligerent screams of the ghetto, southern accent coming closer and closer. Naturally, a fear of a "Ghetto Rundown" filled my gut, so in a very spastic nature, I rapidly started to yank at the fabric of my annoying book bag.

Minute Two:

Then of course the ghetto banshees were the only strong ones to start a revolution...I nearly got ran down. The smelly jerk that sits at the left of me pushed, so did the irrelevant buzzard from the far right corner of the classroom. The smart mouthed witch, with a capital "B", let out an annoying"Get the hell out of the way!" Do I blame these vile creatures? No. While I wouldn't have pushed so violently, I honestly would have tried to maneuver my way out of being attached to the oafish situation. The most disturbing thing is that I started to laugh, as I got down on my knees to get a closer look at how to loosen the book bag strap. I noticed I was not the only one, my new friend, who is extremely "Bright & Shiny"; Casey was laughing. I needed scissors. Another friend, Brian, passed by and made the last minute more unfortunate than what it already was. And oh, Brian is one of the most awkward. He's the closest to "Awkward Pants Deluxe 5" I have ever come in contact with. He's a cool dude, but he's damn unfortunate and damn awkward. When I finally got my book bag unhinged from the door, to top it all off most of my books and crap were on the floor. Wonderful!  And then I had to rush to class.

I was late to third period English class, and I also had to tell my teacher why. Unfortunate. That's my life. And I am very happy for it. Most of the time.

:)